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Funny Quotes

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher…and that is a good thing for any man.
– Socrates

Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure.
– Jarger

There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
– Steven Wright

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
– Anonymous

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
– George Burns

I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
– Dave Edison

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
– Napoleon Bonaparte

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
– Anonymous

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
– Anonymous

Women say all men are the same, but they have no problem telling you how different you are from Mel Gibson.
– Anonymous

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January 18, 2006 - Posted by | Great Quotes

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