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12 Year Old Bottle of Scotch

A man walks into a bar and orders a 12-year-old scotch.

The bartender, believing that the customer will not be able to tell the difference, pours him a shot of the cheap 3-year-old house scotch that has been poured into an empty bottle of the good stuff.

The man takes a sip and spits the scotch out on the bar and reams the bartender. “This is the cheapest 3-year-old scotch you can buy. I’m not paying for it. Now, give me a good 12-year-old scotch.”

The bartender, now feeling a bit of a challenge, pours him a scotch of much better quality, 6-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip and spits it out on the bar. “This is only 6-year-old scotch. I won’t pay for this, and I insist on a good, 12-year-old scotch. The bartender finally relents and serves the man his best quality, 12-year-old scotch. The man sips the drink and says, “Now that’s more like it.”

An old drunk from the end of the bar, who has witnessed the entire episode, walks down to the finicky scotch drinker and sets a glass down in front of him and asks, “What do you think of this?” The scotch expert takes a sip, and in disgust, violently spits out the liquid yelling “THIS TASTES LIKE PISS.”

To which the old drunk replies, “That’s right, now guess how old I am.”

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June 26, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

FAA Test

The FAA has a device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. They point this thing at the windshield of the aircraft and shoot a dead chicken at about the speed the air- craft normally flies at it. If the windshield doesn’t break, it’s likely to survive a real collision with a bird during flight.

The British had recently built a new locomotive that could pull a train faster than any before it. They were not sure that its windshield was strong enough so they borrowed the testing device from the FAA, reset it to approximate the maximum speed of the locomotive, loaded in the dead chicken, and fired. The bird went through the windshield, broke the engineer’s chair, and made a major dent in the back wall of the engine cab.

They were quite surprised with this result, so they asked the FAA to check the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA checked everything and suggested that they might want to repeat the test using a thawed chicken.

June 26, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

Blood Lines

On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.

“You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me… in me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?”

The Englishman said, “Very sporting of your mother.”

June 26, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

zindagi meiN to sabhi pyaar kiya karte haiN ::Unknown::

zindagi meiN to sabhi pyaar kiya karte haiN
main to mar ke bhi meri jaan tuJhe chahoonga

tu mila hai to ehsaas hua hai muJhko
ye meri umR mohabbat ke liye thoDi hai
ik zara saagame daura ka bhi haq hai jispar
maine wo saaNs bhi tere liye rakh choDi hai
tuJhpe ho jaaoonga qurbaan tuJhe chaoonga
main to mar ke bhi meri jaan tuJhe chahoonga

apne jazbaat meiN nagmaat rachaane ke liye
maine dhaDkan ki tarah dil meiN basaya hai tuJhe
main tasavoor bhi judaai ka bhala kaise karooN
maine kimsat ki lakiroN se churaaya hai tuJhe
pyaar ka ban ke nigehbaan tuJhe chahoonga
main to mar ke bhi meri jaan tuJhe chahoonga

June 26, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | 1 Comment

nA uDaa yuun Thokaron se ::Unknown::

na uDaa yuun Thokaron se
meri khaak-e-kabr zaalim
yahi ek rah gai hai
meri pyaar ki nishaani

faasale aise bhi honge
ye kabhi sochaa na tha
saamane baiThaa tha mere
aur woh meraa na tha

woh ke khushabuu ki tarah
failaa tha mere chaarasuu
main use mahasuus kar sakataa tha
chhuu sakataa na tha

raat bhar pichhali hi aahat
kaan mein aati rahi
jhaank kar dekhaa gali mein
koi bhi aaya na tha

yaad karake aur bhi
takalif hoti thi adiim
bhuul jaane ke sivaa
ab koi bhi chaaraa na tha

June 26, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

Coke

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”
The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… totally exhausted and panting. Second, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place”
That should have worked,” said the friend. The salesman replied, “Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs read from right to left…”

June 20, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

Just a Weeee Bit

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning ,gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

The Redneck simply replied, “They’re lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place. Look ’em over and pick the one you want.”

The man dated the first daughter. The next day the Redneck asked for the man’s opinion.

“Well,” said the man, “she’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice…pigeon-toed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

“Well,”the man replied, “she’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell…cross-eyed.”

The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better. So he did.

The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect. She’s the one I want to marry.”

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

“Well,” explained the Redneck…
“She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell… pregnant when you met her.”

June 20, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

Tanhai

Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Rona Chahoon To, Rona Chahoon To
Aansoon Na Aayein, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai

Jo Aise Chod Ke Mehboob Jaaye
To Jeene Se Na Kyoon Dil Oobh Jaaye
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai…

Paya Humne Ye Bin Tere
Ranj Ki Raahein Aur Gam Ke Andhere
Ranj Ki Raahein Aur Gam Ke Andhere
Woh Bhi To Humse, Woh Bhi To Humse
Kho Gayee Hai, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai…

Yaad Aate Hain, Beetey Zamaane
Jab Tum Aaye The Humko Manaane
Jab Tum Aaye The Humko Manaane
Abh To Dil Roothey, Abh To Dil Roothey
Dard Manaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai

Rona Chahoon To, Rona Chahoon To
Aansoon Na Aayein, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai
Saya Bhi Saath Jab Chod Jaaye, Aisi Hai Tanhai…

June 20, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

tere bheege badan ki khooshboo se

tere bheege badan ki khooshboo se
lehre bhi huyee mastaani si
teri zulf ko chookar aaj huyee
khaamosh hawa diwaani si

ye roop ka kundan dehka hua
ye zism ka chandan mehka hua
ilzaam na dena fir muJhko
ho jaaye agar naadani si

bikhra hua kaajal aankhoN meiN
toofaan ki halchal saansoN meiN
ye narM laboN ki khamoshi
palko meiN chupi hairaani si

June 20, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

Potentially Vs Reality

Little Johnny comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help.

“Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?”

His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll display it to you. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask you sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you have learned.”

Little Johnny is puzzled but decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, “Mom, if someone would give you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?”

His mother looks around shyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, “Don’t tell your father, but yes, I would.”

Then he goes to his sister’s room and asks her, “Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?”

His sister looks up and says, “Omigod! Definitely!”

Little Johnny goes back to his father who asks, “Well, what did you learn?”

Little Johnny says, “Dad, I think I’ve figured it out. POTENTIALLY, we’re sitting on two million bucks, but in REALITY, we’re living with a couple of whores.”

June 19, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment