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Christ in the Bathroom

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”

Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know! I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!”

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

And Little Johnny said, “Well…every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you still in there?’!”

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July 31, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

Smart Johnny

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn’t have to go to school the following Monday.

On the first Friday, the teacher asks, “How many grains of sand are in the beach?” Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, “How many stars are in the sky?” and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.

So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, “Here’s this week’s question,” Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire class starts laughing.

The teacher says, ” Okay, who’s the comedian with the black balls?”

Immediately, little Johnny stands up and says, “Eddie Murphy, see ya on Tuesday!”

July 31, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

fir aake chale jaana ik baar chale aao

fir aake chale jaana, ik baar chale aao
surat to dikha jaao, ik baar chale aao

tumko mere geeton ka sangeet bulata hai
kuch geet mere sun lo kuch apne suna jaao

jo tum bulaayeN fir tum shauk se mat aana
kis baat pe roothe ho itna to bata jaao

kya dil ke tadapne ka ehsaas nahin tumko
ab jaan pe ban aayi lillah chale aao

July 31, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

Late Night

After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. “You can’t make any noise,” she warned him. “My parents are upstairs and if they find out they’ll kill us.”

Things started getting heated on the sofa, but after a while alcohol got the better of the man. “I have to go,” he said.

“Well you can’t go upstairs. The bathroom is right next to my parents’ bedroom,” she replied. “Use the kitchen sink.”

So he dutifully retired to the kitchen. A few minutes later, he popped his head around the door and asked, “Do you have any toilet paper, or should I just use a paper towel?”

July 27, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

Stranded on a Desert Island

A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!”

“What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. ‘”We weren’t making love.”

“Sorry,” said the sailor, “From up there it looked like you were.” Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled the same thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husband says to himself, “By golly he’s right! It DOES look like they’re making love down there!”

July 27, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

School Punishments

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class one day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny,Pat?”

“I just saw one of your garters!”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days!”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny, Billy?”

“I just saw both of your garters!”

Again, she yells, “Get out of my classroom! This time the punishment is more severe, I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“Where do you think you’re going?” she asks.

“From what I just saw, my school days are over!”

July 27, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

duniya kisi ke pyaar meiN jaanat se kam nahiN

duniya kisi ke pyaar meiN jaanat se kam nahiN
ik dilruba hai dil meiN jo gooroN se kam nahiN

tum baadshaah-e-husn ho husn-e-jahaan ho
jaane wafa ho aur mohaabat ki shaan ho
jalwe tumhare husn ke taaroN se kam nahin
duniya kisi ke pyaar meiN jaanat se kam nahiN

bhoole se mushkuraaO to moti baras paDe
palke utha ke dekho to kaliyaan bhi has paDe
khusboo tumhaari zulf ki phoolon se kam nahin
duniya kisi ke pyaar meiN jaanat se kam nahiN

July 27, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

No Sex Since 1955

A crusty old marine corps colonel found himself at a gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young, idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the colonel for conversation. She said, “Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?”

“No,” the colonel said, “just serious by nature.”

The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”

The colonel’s short reply was, “Yes, a lot of action.”

The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up a little – relax and enjoy yourself.”

The colonel just stared at her in his serious manner.

Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”

The colonel looked at her and replied, “1955.”

She said, “Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously – I mean, no sex since 1955, isn’t that a little extreme?”

The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, “Oh, I don’t know. It’s only 2130 now!”

July 19, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

ye tera naazuk badan hai, ya koi mehka gulaab

ye tera naazuk badan hai, ya koi mehka gulaab
kya karoon taarif, teri har adaa hai laajawab

kyoon na ye dil tumko chaahe, husn se bhi tum ho haseen
paaOn padte hain jahan pe, phool khil jaate hain wahin
jaan le lega hamaari ik na ik din ye sabaab
ye tera naazuk badan hai, ya koi mehka gulaab

ruk gaye saawan ke baadal, zulf jab chehre pe paDi ho
dekh le jo unko shaayad, bhool jaaye wo shaayari
sang-e-marmar ka badan hai, ya kisi shaayar ka khwaab

July 19, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

Peg after Peg

Read carefully & slowly to enjoy it! 🙂

I never take risk while drinking

When I cum from office in the evening, wife is cooking
I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen
I stealthily enter the house
Take out the bottle from my black cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame
But still no one is aware of it
Becoz I never take a risk

I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink
Quickly enjoy one peg
Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack
Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard
Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile

I peep into the kitchen
Wife is cutting potatoes
No one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: Any news on chopra’s daughter’s marriage
Wife: Nope, she doesn’t seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking out for her

I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard
But I don’t make any sound while taking out the bottle
I take out the glass from the old rack above sink
Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink
Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: But still I think chopra’s daughter’s age is not that much
Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old… like an aged horse
I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh…

I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard
But the cupboard’s place has automatically changed
I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink

Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly
I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj’s photo & keep it in the black cupboard

Wife is keeping the sink on the stove
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (getting angry) you call Mr. chopra a horse? If you say that again, I will cut your tongue…!
Wife: Don’t just blabber something, go out and sit quietly…

I take out the bottle from the potatoes
Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg
Wash the sink and keep it over the rack
Wife is giving a smile

Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking
But still no one is aware of what I did
Becoz I never take a risk

I: (laughing) So chopra is marrying a horse!!
Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face…

I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack
Stove is also on the rack
There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside

I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink
But none of the horses are aware of what I did
Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk

chopra is still cooking
And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing
Becoz I never take what???

July 13, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment