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Newly Weds

A Texas rancher and his wife were arguing while touring Paris.

A couple had been married for only two weeks when the husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, Honey, I’ll be right back.

Where are you going, Coochy Coo? asked the wife
I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.

The wife said, you want a beer, my love? She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, Yes, Lollipop….but at the bar….you know….they
have frozen glasses.

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?”
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really
delicious…..I won’t be long. I’ll be right back, I promise. OK?”

You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh? She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken
wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps and pork strips.

But my sweet honey…at the bar…you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that….

You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR GODDAM BEER
IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR F—ING HORS D’OEURVES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR, THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?
and, they lived happily ever after.

Isn’t that a sweet story?

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August 15, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

C-141

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft’s latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck had been left outdoors and was frozen solid, so he had to find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returned to the aircraft and was less than enthusiastic about what he had to do. Nevertheless, he went about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.

As he’s left the plane, the pilot stopped him and said, “Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished.”

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, the airman took a deep breath, stood up tall and said, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and the reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe, it’s two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump sh*t from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?”

August 15, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment