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Laws of Physics

Law of Mechanical Repair:
After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch, or you’ll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone:
When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi:

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Bath Theorem:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs and Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jam Sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

Brown’s Law:
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

Oliver’s Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson’s Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making It.

September 25, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

Little Old Lady

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags,
one in each hand.

There’s a hole in one of the bags, and once in a while a $20 bill flies out of
it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her.

“Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag…”

“Damn!” says the little old lady…..”I’d better go back and see if I can find
some of them. Thanks for the warning!”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money? Did you
steal it?”

“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard backs up to the
parking lot of the football stadium.
Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into
my flower beds!” So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper,
and each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I say: ‘$20 or off
it comes!’ ”

“Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop. “Good luck!” By the way, what’s in the
other bag?”

“Well”, says the little old lady, “Not all of them pay.”

September 25, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment