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Little Old Lady

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags,
one in each hand.

There’s a hole in one of the bags, and once in a while a $20 bill flies out of
it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her.

“Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag…”

“Damn!” says the little old lady…..”I’d better go back and see if I can find
some of them. Thanks for the warning!”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that money? Did you
steal it?”

“Oh, no”, says the little old lady. “You see, my back yard backs up to the
parking lot of the football stadium.
Each time there’s a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into
my flower beds!” So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper,
and each time someone sticks his thingie through the bushes, I say: ‘$20 or off
it comes!’ ”

“Hey, not a bad idea!” laughs the cop. “Good luck!” By the way, what’s in the
other bag?”

“Well”, says the little old lady, “Not all of them pay.”

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September 25, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

Ishq ke lamhe sharaab lagte hain

Ishq ke lamhe sharaab lagte hain
Kuch chehre mehtaab lagte hain
Dukh itne sahe mohabbat main guzre hue
Ke har lamhe hi azaab lagte hain

September 17, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | 2 Comments

Daastaan-e-gham-e-dil unko sunaii na gayi

Daastaan-e-gham-e-dil unko sunaii na gayi
baat bigdii kuchh aisii ki banaii na gayi
Sab ko ham bhool gaye josh-e-junoon mein lekin
ek teri yaad thi aisi ki bhulaai na gayi
Ishq par kuchh na chalaa dida-e-tar ka jaadoo
usne jo aag lagaa di woh bujhaai na gayi

September 11, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

Faasle Jism Ko To Dour Le Jaate Hain

Faasle Jism Ko To Dour Le Jaate Hain
Par Dilon Ke Shahar To Ujarte Nahi
Aankhon Se Aankhon Ka Rishta Tut Jaye Bhi To
Saath Dekhe Hue Khwab To MitTe nahi

September 11, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

Interviewing a General

Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day and you have to read his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you gotta love this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?

GENERAL REINWALD: We’re going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That’s a bit irresponsible, isn’t it?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see why, they’ll be properly supervised on the rifle range.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don’t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?

GENERAL REINWALD: I don’t see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you’re equipping them to become violent killers.

GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you’re equipped to be a prostitute, but you’re not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

August 30, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

Newly Weds

A Texas rancher and his wife were arguing while touring Paris.

A couple had been married for only two weeks when the husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, Honey, I’ll be right back.

Where are you going, Coochy Coo? asked the wife
I’m going to the bar, Pretty Face. I’m going to have a beer.

The wife said, you want a beer, my love? She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, Yes, Lollipop….but at the bar….you know….they
have frozen glasses.

He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?”
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really
delicious…..I won’t be long. I’ll be right back, I promise. OK?”

You want hors d’oeuvres, Poochie Pooh? She opened the oven and took out five dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken
wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps and pork strips.

But my sweet honey…at the bar…you know there’s swearing, dirty words and all that….

You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SHIT! SIT YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN, SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR GODDAM BEER
IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR F—ING HORS D’OEURVES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN’T GOING TO A DAMNED BAR, THAT SHIT IS OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?
and, they lived happily ever after.

Isn’t that a sweet story?

August 15, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

C-141

A US Air Force C-141 was scheduled to leave Thule Air Base, Greenland at midnight. During the pilot’s preflight check, he discovered that the aircraft’s latrine holding tank was still full from the last flight. So a message was sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take care of it.

The young man finally got to the air base and made his way to the aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck had been left outdoors and was frozen solid, so he had to find another one in the hangar, which takes even more time. He returned to the aircraft and was less than enthusiastic about what he had to do. Nevertheless, he went about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to not risk criticism later.

As he’s left the plane, the pilot stopped him and said, “Son, your attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I’m going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but punished.”

Shivering in the cold, his task finished, the airman took a deep breath, stood up tall and said, “Sir, with all due respect, I’m not your son; I’m an Airman in the United States Air Force. I’ve been in Thule, Greenland for 11 months without any leave, and the reindeer are beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe, it’s two-thirty in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero and my job here is to pump sh*t from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment did you have in mind?”

August 15, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment

Sookh Jaate Hain Lub, Lufz Milte Nahi

Sookh Jaate Hain Lub, Lufz Milte Nahi
Hota Nahi Humse Ishq Bayaan
Unhe Kaise Bataoon Dil Ki Lagi
Kaise Sikhaoon Aankhon Ki Zubaan

August 10, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

Kal Mila Waqt To Zulfein Teri Suljha Doonga

Kal Mila Waqt To Zulfein Teri Suljha Doonga
Aaaj Uljha Hoon Zara Waqt Ke Sulajhne Main
Yoon To Sulajh Jatee hain Uljhee Zulfain
Umar Kat Jati Hai Waqt Ke Sulajhne Main

August 10, 2006 Posted by | Shayari | Leave a comment

Perfectly Good Aircraft

The Army Airborne major was used to harassment from Air Force fliers about crazy Army paratroopers jumping out of perfectly good aircraft. “Obviously the Air Force knows there’s no such thing as a ‘perfectly good aircraft,'” the irritated officer finally countered one afternoon, “because they pay you bastards four times as much to stay in one as the Army pays its men to jump.”

“You’ve got it all wrong, Major,” an Air Force sergeant replied. “The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is gonna be too dumb to bitch about the salary.”

August 9, 2006 Posted by | Jokes | Leave a comment